Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tire Gauge NUMB3RS
No, I won't bore you with the numbers. Tire gauge statistics are flying all over the internet, dropping like pigeon poop on the heads of both the reasoned and mindless masses who care to debate the inflate. I guess we can all agree that a good man is hard to find and a hard tire is good to find. But how good is it?
Republicans naturally seized on Obama's seemingly off-hand remark that simply inflating tires to the manufacturer's recommended psi would save as much oil as drilling on the outer continental shelf would provide. This preposterous notion caused great glee among McCain supporters who have gone so far as to sell, for the munificent sum of $25.oo (US), an Obama Energy Policy tire gauge. Dems are now crying "FOUL!" at the top of their enviro-wimpy lungs and digging up all kinds of data to support tire inflation as a excellent alternative to drilling for oil.
Liberals with veins bulging in their necks ala Nancy Pelosi, are finding all kinds of "empirical evidence" that suggests tire inflation can produce fuel savings of 1 to 5% when combined with "tune-ups" and other "maintenance" of motor vehicles. Since hard facts are hard to come by, Democrats have taken to making up NUMB3RS in order to prove their hypotheses.
One has to imagine that every tire in the United States is underinflated in order to prove the "fat tire theory." Additionally, all vehicles must be in need of a "tune-up" and "other maintenance."
I'm not sure what a "tune-up" is exactly. With electronic ignitions and computers delivering optimum performance, the classic tune-up is virtually a thing of the past. Sure, we still change our filters as needed but those points and the strobe light are anachronisms rarely seen anymore. End of tune-ups as we know them.
What is "other maintenance?" I guess if we wash our cars, they'll perform better with less wind resistance? Well, failing that, the goofy leftists suggested we turn our air conditioners off since those nasty compressors use additional horsepower. A clean, albeit hot car is good for the environment even if it causes the driver and passengers a bit of distress on a hot summer day.
I decided to end the argument about tires and fuel economy once and for all. My theory is that under-inflated tires would save more fuel than we presently import from all sources. How is that possible? Simply work the NUMB3RS like a liberal.
If all tires are FLAT, then vehicles won't move at all, thus saving all the fuel in rubber-tired conveyances. This simple program would involve a bit of self-sacrifice to be sure but the benefits are endless including falling fuel prices and the elimination of all tire gauges.
I know what you are thinking: Finally! A plan worthy of the Messiah, our eco-warrior and Savior-in-Chief!
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It is I, Marti
Hair: Blonde (Real.)
Eyes: Green (No contacts.)
Married. Native Texan, who now lives in Nevada.
I am a professional writer/watercolorist
Travel appeals to me. I have visted with "the natives" in their homes and broken bread with them at their invitation. I have dined in 27 different islands and/or countries, often in humble inland bistros or seaside bars -- but sometimes in five star restaurants. Never once, whether in Guatemala, Honduras or Haiti or even Morroco did I experience any "hatred" for me, as an American. I did listen to diatribes against Americans for treating Italy badly after WWII. I bit my tongue as the harange continued. After all, we DID repatriate Italian artwork that was stolen from them by the Nazis, but it might have been rude of me to point that out to my host. The French were rude to everyone, American or Brit or German. The Netherlands were wonderful. Never met nicer people. If you want to know more about my travels, email me.
Camping out and creating great meals under arduous circumstances is a challenge. When I am at home, I enjoy a "meeting of minds" from distant places and that is why the Internet appeals to me. Sometimes people who lead disparate lives in diverse points of the world do "meet" as good friends. So, YES, I adore people and appreciate them as individuals who continually enlarge my perspective on the world, even when sitting at a computer in a semi-small desert community.
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As a writer, I spent five years teaching other writers how to write at a site under the aegis of AOL. Now I have my own online editorial column. Those who want to purchase my art work must contact me. If you like crowd scenes, seacapes and shrimp boats at sea and at port, old houses, trees and wide skies will enjoy my paintings. I have won prizes for my art work, just as I have also won prizes for writing. These dual careers are sometimes difficult to manage.
Gee.I wonder if those fatuous Democrats inflated their tire figures by ignoring all the old, untuned, dangerous cars and trucks on our highways that do not bear American license plates? Ignoring those vehicles is the equivalent of ignoring volcanoes while blaming only humans for air polution.
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