Ya Still Tingly All Over Chris?

Sarah Palin visiting wounded warrior at Landstuhl in Germany

Some skinny guy with big ears and a bagful of platitudes gets Chrissy Matthews all "tingly." (Is that a word?)

tin~gle (tingly)
v. tin~gled, tin~gling, tin~gles
v. intr.
To have a prickling, stinging sensation, as from cold, a sharp slap, or excitement: tingled all over with joy

In fairness to Chris, this all needs an explanation. Matthews found inspiration in Eugene McCarthy before working for Ed Muskie and eventually becoming a speech-writer for arguably, the worst President in modern history, Jimmy 'the peanut" Carter. His narrative makes it easy to understand how yet another empty, bloviating windbag would stimulate Chris to an on-camera, pre-orgasmic adrenaline rush. Matthews makes it clear that he is full of love for the Messiah Man. His Homie.

I give the misguided Matthews a pass because God protects idiots and truck drivers. (I was once a truck driver so I speak from experience) But how do you explain his partner, Keith "Bathtub Boy" Olbermann? If this guy didn't invent misogyny, he certainly complicated the meaning.

misogyny
1656, from Gk, misogynia, from misogynes "woman hater."

This guy punished poor Hillary with far more malice than I've seen from the Republicans. In fact, I think the Right laid off of her knowing full well that the left wing media was in the tank for Obama and would do the dirty work, essentially burying her alive while the Daily Kooks and Huffpo loons applauded.

Which begs the question: Why do these "men" hate women? What underlying psychological deviance do these guys possess? If you thought they hated the PIAPS, wait until they get their "journalistic" hands on the skirt-wearing Palin.

Over the next few days, we'll get to see a command performance from this team of girl-haters starting this evening. I'm simply speculating based on past history and since I don't own an I.Q. anywhere near Joe Biden's, I'm at a loss to describe what the bilious Olbermann and his lil' ho Chrissy will spew on Sarah Palin. I'm sure a beautiful woman with plenty of brains and a surfeit of brawn will push their hate-amplifiers to the max. If they thought Hillary made them look (ahem) inadequate, wait until they see the picture of Palin firing a semi-automatic "assault rife."

(Check out Olbermannwatch.com for the complete listing of Bathtub Boy's malevolence since 2004)

For my part, I'll let Sarah Palin's personal history speak for itself. And just for Chrissy's information, a lot of Republicans are feeling a tingle today. What you felt running down your leg this morning was something else.

Four More Years and Obama's Ears

(Special thanks to Darryl C for his help with this article)

It looks like Jesus has hired Moses to be his personal trainer. Moses Biden, in his first appearance as VP choice looked positively "Cheneyesque" on the podium. If nothing else, Obiden can spend his time between attending funerals explaining to Obama what not to say. Biden, is certainly a scholar. He can quote without attribution many famous and obscure intellectuals which he has often done starting in his college years.

Slow Joe can also educate our Messiah on how to spin a "yes" vote on the war in Iraq into a solid anti-war position. In other words, Biden can help Obama polish his flip-flopping by messaging and softening past statements. Biden's supporters always say that he was "taken out of context." Here's a more distant quote from Biden and an example of how to flip that negative.

In 1987, Biden told New Hampshire voters that he graduated in the "top half" of his class in law school. The fact is that Biden graduated 76 out of 85. How would Biden elegantly explain his way out of that particular gaffe? How about, "I was standing on my head when I said that." It's not so far-fetched when you see that Joe is going to have to explain his solidarity with Hillary on Obama's lack of experience. Hillary you recall, called Obama "naive" and Biden has repeatedly referenced the young savior's lack of experience however obliquely.

Biden can simply say that he was taken out of context. He meant to say that Obama's lack of experience could be tempered by the appropriate guidance counselor occupying the office of Vice President, the office that he said he'd never occupy. Huh?

Today, Joe Biden began work on re-educating Jesus Jr. whose former mentor was the most Christian Jeremiah Wright. With great passion, Joe invoked God's Blessing on America. "God Bless America," Joe said in sharp contrast to Wright's "God***n America."

One thing that can't be taken out of context is Biden's age. After months of Holy O'lers snickering about McCain's advanced age, how do they reconcile the fact that Joe is getting up there in years and will be nearly the ripe old age of 70 toward the end of Barry's first term? Perhaps this can be a positive as Joe's gaffes can be attributed to his advancing senility which ought to really boost the campaign.

This ticket suddenly seems to have morphed from Hope and Change into Hope and Cheney. Will Mr. "higher IQ" actually be running the White House ala Dick? That's the hope and change the starry-eyed disciples must be pining for.

We're Not Chinese If You Please

The Messiah has found the promised land! I won't keep you in suspense waiting for my text message, I'll give it to you right now. It's China! I may be wrong about this but Jesus H. Obama is now extolling the virtues of the modern, soon-to-be superpower. Here's a quote from the Savior:

"Think about the amount of money that China has spent on infrastructure. Their ports, their train systems, their airports are vastly the superior to us now, which means if you are a corporation deciding where to do business, you're starting to think, 'Beijing looks like a pretty good option.'"

I won't go into the serious infrastructure deficits and failures listed by National Review Online's Jim Geraghty. Suffice it to say that their grid is a disaster. I'll cover what he left out.

Pollution:
The World Bank estimates that 16 of the world’s 20 most polluted cities are found in China’s industrial areas.

Desertification:
Few people think of China as a desert nation, yet it is among the world's largest. More than 27%, or 2.5 million square kilometers, of the country comprises useless sand (just 7% of Chinese land feeds about a quarter of the world's population). A Ministry of Science and Technology task force says desertification costs China about $2-3 billion annually, while 800 km of railway and thousands of kilometers of roads are blocked by sedimentation. An estimated 110 million people suffer firsthand from the impacts of desertification and, by official reports, another 2,500 sq km turns to desert each year.

This is nothing new, of course. In the 4th century B.C. Chinese philosopher Mencius (Mengzi) wrote about desertification and its human causes, including tree-cutting and overgrazing. Experts argue over the reasons and consequences, but all agree that Chinese deserts are on the move. Sand from the distant Gobi threatens even Beijing, which some scientists say could be silted over within a few years. Dunes forming just 70 km from the capital may be drifting south at 20-25 km a year. Conservative estimates say 3 km a year. And despite massive spending on land reclamation and replanting, China is falling behind.

Slave Labor:

But Harry Wu saw the Clinton/Beijing relationship from a deeply human perspective: the blue uniforms and shaved heads in Chinese prison camps.

For years, he had been one of the estimated 50 million blue uniformed “troublemakers” who had worked in the camps under totally inhumane conditions. Some of them literally worked themselves to death.

The forced labor had turned out for the American market such items as rubber-soled shoes, boots, kitchenware, toys, tools, men’s and women’s clothing, and sporting goods.

The list is actually endless so in the interest of brevity, I'll pause here and point out that the Chinese have much to hide but they don't hide much well except from The Moshiach. When a society opens up, like China has in the past decade, a lot of dirty laundry gets aired. Most recently, it has come to light that China cheats. Unlike the United States, which punishes its Olympic frauds, China engages in state-sanctioned subterfuge including and I'm sure not limited to, using under-aged athletes in age-limited sports.

But like the trains that run on time, the electricity that flows, the airports, and the abundant clean air available in China, nearly every aspect of post-Mao society is "vastly superior" according to Obama.

Brokeback Forum Part Deux

I promised to peruse the transcript of the Saddleback Civil Forum and report back with some criticism of Obama and Pastor Warren. Just when you think every word has been fully parsed, every opinion expressed, and every gaffe exposed, I think you can still find some interesting angles not previously noted. At least that's what Captain Push hopes for but I can't be sure that among the billions of written and spoken words, someone hasn't beaten me to the punch.

After reading and rereading and attempting to digest a not altogether unpalatable and wide-ranging discussion, I came to a couple of conclusions. First of all, this was not intended to be a contest. I think the participants understood this but maybe that was lost on the audience, and especially Obama's campaign team. His team consists of myriad advisers, supporters, and the sycophantic media outlets who are complaining that John McCain, by virtue of his stellar performance, must have somehow CHEATED. To suggest that McCain cheated is to imply that this was a contest, a debate or maybe a game like chess wherein John palmed a pawn and turned it into a queen. If McCain cheated, then Pastor Rick must have been in on it. No matter how deep liberals dive, they'll never hit bottom. They can always sink even lower than their previous depths. By impugning the character and integrity of both Pastor Warren and John McCain, is Obama's team making more enemies than new Obama supporters?

The second conclusion I came to after my marathon dissection of the forum was that endless blathering can only get a candidate in trouble. I wonder what kind of attorney Barack Obama must be if he never learned that the less said in crisis, the better. Trial lawyers are routinely horrified when their clients answer simple questions with epic-length explanations. Obama just couldn't shut himself up. This is probably due to his Messiah-like standing with his followers who hang on his every word, even the words that most of us mere mortals recognize as nothing more than gas. He really believes that every word he utters has earth-shattering implications and importance. Much of what the faux Jesus said was long-winded and nonsensical. OK. I mean he was BORING. Note to Obama: Get to the POINT if indeed you do have a point.

Now about Pastor Warren. Let's agree that there are no stupid questions. However, there are inappropriate questions or questions that shouldn't have been asked when there are much better ones waiting in the wings. Consider this question posed by Warren. "Would you be willing to consider and even commit to doing some kind of emergency plan for orphans like President Bush did with AIDS, almost a President's emergency plan for orphans to deal with this issue?" (Reference 148 million orphans world-wide)
There were several similar questions but this one seemed like the best example of an utter waste of air time. Why? Well someone needs to let Pastor Rick in on this little gem which I thought wasn't a big secret. The REAL Jesus said, "The poor will always be with you." (Yes, it has been translated in other ways)

Orphans will always be with us as will the poor, the sick, the weak, the hungry and in particular, in an election year, the unhinged. Presidents are not God-like but apparently people like Rick Warren expect them to wave their scepters and lead Americans across the land and sea to fix all that is wrong with the world. Give it a rest smilin' Rick! Even Obama believes some things are best left to the real God.

Brokeback Forum Part I

The word of the day in news commentary is nuance. Pundits in search of the truth, usually their own personal truth, study the shades, tones and context of every word uttered by the subjects they dissect daily, even hourly to enlighten their audience. Eventually, yes becomes no, right becomes left and inside is outside. That is, until someone leaves no doubt, no escape with a blindingly bright answer to a tough question. Last night, John McCain befuddled the talking heads, including Rick Warren, with concise answers to both difficult and stupid questions posed by the almost sainted head of Saddleback Church.

I'm not a big McCain fan. The guy absolutely infuriates me at times simply because his status as RINO-in-Chief of the Republican party has caused much division and little amalgamation of a fractured party, the party Conservatives, some reluctantly like yours truly, must vote for if we're to have even a small voice. To put it succinctly, like John McCain of last night, Mr. Maverick has been a pain in our right-wing asses for a long time.

That said, I have to give the old war-horse credit for his performance last night. He reminded me of Captain Kirk, (sans penis hanging out of his tunic), when he answered dangerous questions bluntly and forcefully, with little regard for the consequences because damnit, I'm right! Like it or not, we got the "Straight Talk Express" for one refreshing hour in this seemingly never-ending election cycle.

So without anything to parse other than McCain's silly assertion that five million dollars defines the rich, the focus shifts to Barry Obama's fabulously nuanced answers to the same questions old John buried. After watching analysts stick their fingers down their collective throats to retch out the same old "Obama seemed comfortable" comments, a couple of important points were made by the more worthy commentators.

Charles Krauthammer, reading between the lines of Obama's comments regarding Justice Clarence Thomas, pointed out that Obama seemed to suggest that Thomas didn't have the resume/experience or intellectual acumen to be a Supreme Court Justice. Here's the perfect example of a world-class cliche: The Jr. Senator POT calling the more senior Justice KETTLE black. (Save your "racist" comments for someone who cares. I didn't invent or conceive this line.)

Captain Push will study the transcripts later and further punish Obama and Warren but this initial review can't be published without asking the salient question: What other examples of issues "above the pay grade" can a man who has his finger on the nuclear button give us? Abortion may be a big deal but the annihilation of the human race altogether might be a tad bigger. Is Obama's answer when it comes to the really tough questions going to be, "That's not in my job description."

Advantage McCain.

Let Em Eat Gas!

If you can't afford, stomach, or find a Prius, perhaps you'll want to consider one of the hot new cars that run on gasohol or E85. What's so special about about E85? Well, it's considered environmentally friendly (by environmentalists) because it's made from corn. That's right, you can now run your automobile on government subsidized alcohol which allegedly pollutes less than regular gasoline and is cheaper because of those subsidies. It's a dream come true for vegetarians except for those who think plants are sentient but that's for another time.

So here's the idea in a nutshell. You take millions of acres of corn intended to produce food for people and animals and convert the whole operation into gasohol. It's a brilliant concept nearly everyone agrees until the simple folly of a an overly simple plan is elucidated by those like yours truly.

With your government's help, in the form of $1.4 billion in subsidies, you get the following:
Far less feed corn for animals resulting in higher prices for meat and poultry.
Far less corn for export for trade.
Far less corn for feeding the underprivileged in third world countries.
Far less efficiency in producing energy with a possible net loss of energy when the cost of irrigation, shipping, cracking (refining) and cultivation (tractors/combines) is factored in.

In other words, the farmers' boom is the consumers' bust. Like all environmentally whacky ideas, the rush to a fallacious judgment regarding the benefits of kooky non-science will eventually be exposed. One example is the Brazilian paradigm. The Brazilians have practically rendered gasoline obsolete by converting sugar beets to fuel. Sounds great doesn't it? Except it's not so great when you factor in the destruction of the rain forest by slash and burn techniques to clear land for the production of ethanol. I don't suppose the Environmental Lobby would promote the clear-cutting of our national forest lands to grow corn?

And that brings us to the notion of eco-freaks and their half-brained genetic obsession with saving their "personal" planet. Other than the few honest nihilists who lobby for the extinction of humankind, the great majority of supposedly planet-friendly Gorons (honest Al, the working girl's friend) don't give a damn about the environmental catastrophes occurring in third-world and emerging countries as long as their little patch of ANWR remains undisturbed.

Perhaps when tofu is taken off the dinner plate (soybeans for fuel), the Earth First! crowd will wake up to the simple fact that their simple plans fail to recognize the simple truth of physics. In other words, Isaac Newton's to be exact: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Put that in your corn-burning car and smoke it.

Sympathy for the Devil?

While millions of blogs parse every word ever uttered or written by, for or about John Edwards, the Captain Push blog looks for the one angle nobody talks about. For example, all the media and cable talking heads preface or conclude their remarks about John Edwards with a weepy mention of the poor, cuckolded Elizabeth Edwards who has a fatal form of cancer. This is indeed sad and needs to be mentioned I suppose.

But there's more to this part of the story. Poor Elizabeth had to have her say and she posted the following remarks:

Our family has been through a lot. Some caused by nature, some caused by human weakness, and some – most recently – caused by the desire for sensationalism and profit without any regard for the human consequences. None of these has been easy. But we have stood with one another through them all. Although John believes he should stand alone and take the consequences of his action now, when the door closes behind him, he has his family waiting for him.

Ah, the bitterness! Elizabeth Edwards has arguably more right than anyone to be bitter. She's definitely a victim in several ways although I'd hardly call her the victim of an overzealous and avaricious press. In fact, the major media outlets suppressed this story for a long time much to their collective embarrassment. It took the intrepid reporters from the National Enquirer to strip the cover off of this story.

So Mrs.Edwards makes her statement and where does she post it? The Daily Kos of course. Now exactly why would she choose an infamous, hate-filled website to post her thoughts? How completely ignorant is that? Let's see, she's probably not aware of how they treated another cancer victim, one Tony Snow of Foxnews and White House fame.

Here's just a taste:

THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS FROM DAILY KOS

HIs death sucks? (0+ / 0-)

If only his cancer was contagious and the thugs he worked for caught it, it would have saved the suffering of actual innocent people. He was part of the mafia that took over this country and frankly, I’m glad he’s dead.

…

It is indeed hard to lose a loved one. But I can’t even muster any good thoughts to send his family and friends.

Here is a man who could of used his power and talents to help people, to better the world. And he didn’t — in fact he did the complete opposite. He was a liar, we all know what the consequences of those lies have been and will continue to be until God knows when.

I am not sad he’s gone. Sorry if that’s offensive to anyone. I’ll save my sorrow for those who suffered because of the lies Mr. Snow pertetuated. (sic)

…

There is a certain irony in him being killed by his own rotten ass.

I haven't been treated to anything like this on Conservative websites. But imagine the outrage if we substituted Elizabeth Edwards for Tony Snow in the aforementioned clips. Elizabeth CHOSE to post on one of the most vile outlets imaginable while condemning others who merely reported the facts concerning her husband's tawdry affair, his lies, and his cover-up. And yes, Elizabeth also mentioned in another post that John was the first to pack his bags for the YearlyKos convention.

I suppose Elizabeth Edwards can claim ignorance. She can't be the brightest first lady wannabe on the planet if she couldn't see through John's smoke. Regardless, if you swim with the pigs at the Daily Kos, then you probably are one too. Sorry about that Elizabeth.

John Fraudwards and The Dead Zone

I met John Edwards in 1983. It was a virtual meeting to be sure and I didn’t know it was John Edwards at the time but I remember seeing him on the big screen in the form of Martin Sheen playing the role of politician Greg Stillson, a contender for the office of President. To briefly synopsize the story for those who aren’t familiar with the movie, it plays like this:

Johnny Smith, (Christopher Walken) wakes up from an accident with the unusual ability to foresee the future. It’s a gift and a curse because Smith is able to save lives as he can also change the future. It turns out that his larger mission is to save us all from a politician who will someday have his finger on the button…The nuclear button.

Smith decides he must kill Stillson and proceeds to some kind of event (a fundraiser?) and points a rifle at Stillson who shields himself with a baby ending his career forever and saving untold billions of lives.

I’ve always thought of John Edwards as the consummate charlatan. A masterful snake-oil salesman, he convinced jurors in a personal injury lawsuit that he had the mystical powers of a medium and channeled a dead girl in closing arguments. He happily pocketed millions from malpractice insurers and launched his career in politics hoping to use that wonderful gift of persuasion to convince us mere mortals that he’d indeed, be a fine President should John Kerry perish while in office. Or better still, just elect him President in ’08. Why not start at the top?

Well that’s all behind Edwards now. And Edwards wants it all behind just like we want him behind us like a noxious, almost poisonous memory. Like Stillson in the aforementioned movie, it only took a baby to get rid Edwards. Sometimes, it’s the little things, the details that prove important points. In this case, Edwards managed to snow millions of gullible people for years. Millions of others felt our flesh crawl at the mere thought of this hair-primping fraud attaining high office.

By the way, I’ve suddenly become somewhat clairvoyant myself. I just had a vision of John Edwards throwing his Gucci shoe at the television while he watches Bill Clinton give a speech at the Democratic Convention.

Tire Gauge NUMB3RS

No, I won't bore you with the numbers. Tire gauge statistics are flying all over the internet, dropping like pigeon poop on the heads of both the reasoned and mindless masses who care to debate the inflate. I guess we can all agree that a good man is hard to find and a hard tire is good to find. But how good is it?

Republicans naturally seized on Obama's seemingly off-hand remark that simply inflating tires to the manufacturer's recommended psi would save as much oil as drilling on the outer continental shelf would provide. This preposterous notion caused great glee among McCain supporters who have gone so far as to sell, for the munificent sum of $25.oo (US), an Obama Energy Policy tire gauge. Dems are now crying "FOUL!" at the top of their enviro-wimpy lungs and digging up all kinds of data to support tire inflation as a excellent alternative to drilling for oil.

Liberals with veins bulging in their necks ala Nancy Pelosi, are finding all kinds of "empirical evidence" that suggests tire inflation can produce fuel savings of 1 to 5% when combined with "tune-ups" and other "maintenance" of motor vehicles. Since hard facts are hard to come by, Democrats have taken to making up NUMB3RS in order to prove their hypotheses.

One has to imagine that every tire in the United States is underinflated in order to prove the "fat tire theory." Additionally, all vehicles must be in need of a "tune-up" and "other maintenance."
I'm not sure what a "tune-up" is exactly. With electronic ignitions and computers delivering optimum performance, the classic tune-up is virtually a thing of the past. Sure, we still change our filters as needed but those points and the strobe light are anachronisms rarely seen anymore. End of tune-ups as we know them.

What is "other maintenance?" I guess if we wash our cars, they'll perform better with less wind resistance? Well, failing that, the goofy leftists suggested we turn our air conditioners off since those nasty compressors use additional horsepower. A clean, albeit hot car is good for the environment even if it causes the driver and passengers a bit of distress on a hot summer day.

I decided to end the argument about tires and fuel economy once and for all. My theory is that under-inflated tires would save more fuel than we presently import from all sources. How is that possible? Simply work the NUMB3RS like a liberal.

If all tires are FLAT, then vehicles won't move at all, thus saving all the fuel in rubber-tired conveyances. This simple program would involve a bit of self-sacrifice to be sure but the benefits are endless including falling fuel prices and the elimination of all tire gauges.

I know what you are thinking: Finally! A plan worthy of the Messiah, our eco-warrior and Savior-in-Chief!

Intrigue at Amazon.com

A funny thing happened on the way to a famous online bookseller. The uber-site for all of those hot bestsellers seems to have been caught fudging its online reviews of a certain newly released book. The pitiful tome in question is House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's narcissistic "Know Your Power: A Message to America's Daughters" released a few days ago to the sound of one hand clapping.

In the interest of full disclosure I'll admit that I have no interest in this book other than to track its sales. I wanted to know if the history-making first female Speaker of the House would capitalize on her position and fame by tearing up the bestseller lists. Would the dominant liberal capture the imagination of scores of left-wingers?

Apparently not, according to Amazon rankings. After languishing somewhere around the 1,200 position, it briefly rose to 725 before plummeting again to 1,260 this evening. That's lower than whale crap and I wanted to know the reason for this literary implosion. I began to read the customer reviews beginning with the negatives since there were an overwhelming number of those and only a meager 10 positive comments. As I plowed through the poisonous postings of dissatisfied bookworms I noticed a pattern emerging and it wasn't at all what I had expected.

The usual complaints about tedium, poor writing, the failure to engage the reader were all there but there were also myriad complaints about Amazon deleting reviewers' previous postings. According to some, negative reviews had at one time reached a total of over 240. At the time I decided to read the reviews, that number had been reduced to around 50. The frustration and suspicion exhibited by those who volunteered their opinions was palpable. Some admitted to having posted their reviews a third time after having two previous ones deleted. Something was definitely rotten in the state of Amazon.

In the interest of fairness, I moved to the 5-star reviews and found something even more interesting. In order to keep their reviews online, some readers had given Pelosi's book a 5-star rating and then proceeded to write highly negative reviews dripping with biting sarcasm. Maybe Amazon wouldn't notice?

Where's the beef behind all of this? It's obvious that Amazon has a singular motivation and that is to sell books. It doesn't help the business if a new book with a huge push from its publisher has a disastrous ranking combined with hundreds of pajama-clad eggheads excoriating both the content and the author. Ergo, Amazon probably feels that a little artificial "propping up" can't hurt and in fact can help its bottom line. Never mind that the customers might feel cheated.

Did I say singular motivation earlier? As a great anonymous author once said, "I may not always be right but I'm never wrong." Or maybe it was "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken." I have to suggest, in the interest of conspiracy theorists, that maybe Amazon is populated by left-wing lunatics who want to elevate Nancy (9% approval rating) Pelosi into double digit perfection. I'll leave that little morsel out there without further comment.

Regardless, Amazon has an honesty and therefore a decency problem. The honest approach would be to let the sales and reviews speak for themselves. In fact, maybe Amazon should make sure all remaining copies of Pelosi's book are recycled into something useful like toilet paper.

A friend of mine went into a bookstore and couldn't find Pelosi's book. When she asked a clerk where it was, the response was that due to dismal sales, the book had been removed from the front of the store and placed in its appropriate category in the stacks. (Probably pending the imminent return to the publisher of all remaining copies.)

Caveat Emptor