Bailouts, Gasoline and CAFE Standards

It won't work

The bailout debate is intense, far-reaching, and complex. It can't be boiled down to a single blog. Books will be written in the future about this historic economic collapse. So multi-faceted is this issue, it has to be broken into bite-sized pieces suitable for digestion by lay people, scientists, economists and Harvard MBA's. (Laughter in the background? I hope so.)

This particular blog deals with gasoline and the maximum performance one can expect from a single gallon of gas. This is a fact and you can check it elsewhere: The amount of BTU's (British Thermal Units, a measure of energy) available in a gallon of gas is FINITE. That means a certain amount of energy is available and it cannot be changed through alchemy or other forms of magic. How we convert that energy to rolling stock can be summarized by boring equations which in the bitter end comes down to how much horsepower it takes to move a certain amount of weight a certain distance. Are you falling asleep yet?

There is a maximum amount of performance that can be attained by a vehicle moving down the highway. When the weight of the vehicle, passengers and desired speed are accounted for, X equals Y meaning that, after you have lightened the materials, reduced the rolling and wind resistance you can expect Z. That means that is the top performance available from the BTU's available from said gallon of gas. Once you've extracted every ounce of power from that gallon, you're DONE. We may be near that finite top performance.

Now reduce the passenger and cargo potential by making the car smaller and also reduce the size and weight of the engine. Guess what? There is a technological problem because the smaller engine, although moving a smaller load, still uses a similar amount of fuel. For example, if a car moves four people and a cargo load 30 miles down the road on a single gallon of gas, what is the benefit of having a little, UNSAFE smart car moving two people with a substantially smaller cargo load down the road 60 miles? It doesn't make sense. If this were economically smart, we'd ALL be driving tiny little scooters suitable for one person. Except that a scooter getting 120 miles to a gallon is fine until you want to move four people 120 miles. You'd need four scooters, which is 30 miles to a gallon.

It appears to me that we are nearing or maybe have even reached the ultimate power- to-weight-to-performance and safety potential in automobiles powered by gasoline. Now couple that with the unfair and impossible CAFE (Coporate Average Fuel Economy) standards set for auto manufacturers and you can see the folly of dictating mileage standards based on FANTASY and good intentions. Maybe science should prevail over environmental whack-job stupidity. I've never met a so-called environmentalist I couldn't bitch-slap into submission with facts. They get mad and stalk off in anger.

Without beating this to death, I'll point out that the Chinese used to ride bicycles and scooters. They've since opted for cars because they're not stupid. They have freeways and expressways now. They're burning the fuel just as we are and happily polluting the environment. That's all bad but it's to be expected. Give them a few more years and they'll be driving high-lift pick-up trucks while we are all reduced to driving roller skates with engines.

The auto manufacturers have deigned to bury themselves with labor contracts that have bankrupted them, but they've had plenty of help from the Federal Government with the CAFE standards and legislators beholding to both the unions and the environmental lobby. The poisonous bailout plan is apt punishment for our collective misbehavior and we're going to pay for it or rather, our children and grandchildren will pay for it. In the end, the death of the auto industry will be the result of our failure to recognize that you can't legislate or fantasize 100 miles per gallon into a viable conveyance.

Captain Push has a couple of final notes. Some of the "hybrid" vehicles for sale only get a SINGLE mile per gallon more than their conventional counterparts. These hybrids sell for several thousand dollars MORE than the conventional models. But hey! You look good driving a "green car." For the electric crowd, when you plug that hippy in, the coal-fired electric plants go into "high burn" to get that battery-burning baby fired up for its 40 mile drive. I'll explain hybrid and electric in a future post. It isn't pretty.

Colonel John Paul Stapp and Murphy's Law

"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong."

As a youngster growing up near Lockheed, I became interested in aviation. I sold newspapers at the entrance to some of the giant plants where state of the art aircraft were being developed and built. I saw U-2's and F-104's flying overhead and eventually was lucky enough to have a grand tour of the complex including the ejection-seat shop and huge CAD room where computers were drawing wing designs on plotters larger than a pool table.

An obsessive bookworm, I read everything I could put my grimy hands on regarding aviation. One of my favorite subjects was G-forces and the man who rode the rocket sleds, Colonel John Paul Stapp. The vivid pictures of the torture he endured during these tests were etched into my mind and never forgotten. He was a true hero of mine.

Flash forward many years to 1998 when I first met Fanny. She mentioned that she was the niece of Paul Stapp. My fascination was recalled and renewed and I began to research him again. I found more and more interesting facts about his remarkable life. His research led to seat belts in automobiles and the safe ejection systems used in military aircraft. Reknowned for those achievements something amusing is often lost. That is, he made "Murphy's Law" a well-known phrase.

Quoting Wikipedia: Witty and charismatic and thus popular with the press and his staff, Stapp's team in particular, and its workplace subculture is also the clear originating source for the ubiquitous principle known as Murphy's law. There is no question, setting aside the specific murkiness of its attribution, that Stapp was its actual popularizer and probably framed its final form, first using the soon to be widespread term in his first press conference about Project MX981 in the phrase, "We do all of our work in consideration of Murphy's Law" in a nonchalant answer to a reporter. It was his team that, within an adaged-filled subculture, and while using a new device developed by reliability engineering expert Major Edward Murphy[2], coined the euphemistic phrase and began to use it in the months prior to that press conference. When the unfamiliar "Law" was clarified by a subsequent follow-up question, it soon burst into the press in various diverse publications, and got picked up by commentators and talk programs.

Regrettably, I never got to meet Uncle Paul. Fanny and I maintain a collection of Colonel Paul memorabilia including a poster-sized reproduction of the Time magazine cover shown above. He was a true American hero and every year, I write to the President and our legislators requesting that he be posthumously promoted to General.

Why We're Not Rich

Even though we own an oil/gas well.

Some months ago, Fanny received an intriguing letter from a law office informing her that she and several others had inherited some oil/gas leases. Of course, always on the lookout for fraud, we called her Uncle who has a lifetime in the "oil bidness" (as they say in Texas) and he told her it was legit. He also said that although it would pay off, it wouldn't be a lot so don't get too excited. We laughed as I worked on the math and determined that she owned a portion comprising something like 1/238th of a small part of said operation.

Today the data came in. Fanny is the proud owner of: 0.925926 of 27/32 of 2.488 divided by 511.3153 x 1/2 of 1/8 of 10 leases of a producing GAS field. The company checked the math for me and if I'm reading this correctly, Fanny owns 1/10,000th of 1% of said leases. I was surprised they paid the postage both ways for the documentation because I think that 84 cents probably puts her in the hole to the company. In fact, this statement from the "Division Order" tells the whole story: "Payor may accrue proceeds until the total amount equals $100, or pay May 15 of each year, whichever occurs first." I think we might get a bill instead.

This has been a fabulous year for us. We inherited an old dog and racked up a huge veterinarian bill along with a gas well. I pray for our relatives' health as I'm afraid of what they might leave us next.

POVERTY REDEFINED
copyright 1997
all rights reserved

I always imagined that I was poor when I was a teenager. Grandmother and I lived on her social security and pension of $115.00 a month. Thanks to a few relatives and the kindness of a landlord who frequently waived our rent, we managed to eat and pay the utilities. We lived in what was then known as poverty.

Today such a situation is unimaginable. The government has drawn a poverty line in the sand. Poverty doesn’t mean being poor anymore. Poverty used to hurt, was socially unacceptable and everyone tried to avoid living in it. Now poverty is something that entitles people to special status and treatment under the law. Poverty isn’t what it used to be.

Poverty today is the right not to work and be subsidized by those who do work. It means freedom and freeloading. It is a shopping cart full of groceries, a satellite dish in the front yard and a car. Poverty means receiving at least one or two checks a month in the in the mail along with food stamps and vouchers. Poverty is subsidized housing, cheap health insurance and discounted utilities. Poverty is now an occupation that affords one plenty of time to pursue an avocation.

Poverty is watching rented video movies on a color television. It means having discretionary money for lotto tickets, cigarettes, alcohol and disposable diapers. Poverty is a social event at the local tavern or a protest march on the capital steps. Poverty is political clout and a free college education. It is the pregnant welfare mother living with her gainfully employed boyfriend. Like a clever thief, poverty reaches into the pockets of hard-working Americans.

Poverty is even an excuse for every other social ill. Drug use, child abuse, robbery and even murder are blamed on poverty. People no longer commit crimes; poverty does. Poverty makes people riot and destroy the holdings of industrious and successful people.

Poverty is now defined by agencies of the government and people who haven’t felt it and don’t know what it is. Earn less than $12,000 a year and you are impoverished. Receive a welfare benefit package worth $20,000.00 and you are still impoverished. Poverty is a political tool used to get properly concerned individuals elected to high office. Poverty is nothing but a word hijacked and used for personal political gain.

Poverty in the United States is more than a comfortable living. It is something many protect with religious fervor. Politicians need poverty to rail against and huge bureaucracies employ thousands to administer to the poor. Poverty is big business.

There is no shame in choosing poverty as a lifestyle. An acquaintance of mine refers to her welfare check as her “paycheck.” Offered employment, she says she doesn’t want to face a cut in her benefits.

What poverty really means is destitution. It is the hollow-eyed child with a distended abdomen and the skeletal parent starving in blighted African lands. It is a handful of rice each day for nourishment. Poverty is no heat in the winter, no running water, no electricity and no hope. Poverty is the mother with no breast milk for her baby. Poverty is the homeless man found dead of hypothermia. Poverty is pain and suffering. Few Americans know real poverty.

I still think I was once poor. I remember the bare walls and floors. I remember transportation as getting somewhere by foot. I remember, and it makes me wince when I hear a politician lament the rise in poverty in our nation. What passes for poverty in America would qualify as affluence in many countries. Poverty has changed a lot in the last thirty years. Somehow it just isn’t the same.

Time To Act. Give Steele A Chance.

I used to laugh at how Democrats viciously devoured their own after an election. The anger and finger-pointing at Gore, Liebermann, Kerry, and Edwards was comical and predictable. There never seems to be a Nixonian rise from the ashes of a crushing Democratic defeat although Gore managed to salvage himself somewhat with his Nobel prize and Academy award.

Now that this election cycle is over, it's time for Conservatives to clean their filthy house. How we do that is fairly simple. Get rid of Republican Lite people like John McCain and Rudy Giuliani and let's plow the Governator under while we're at it. These people aren't moderates, they're sell-outs. Who can argue that McCain was a failure before he ran for President? McCain-Feingold gave McCain what he deserved and McCain-Kennedy was a betrayal. Mitt Romney needs to mend his flip-flopping ways or he can get out too.

Add to that Foley and Craig corruption along with Lindsey Graham attempting to slaughter "loud people" and a Congress full of free-spending Republicans and you have the recipe for a party with it's own peculiar ghetto. The party is plagued by unprincipled pricks and hacks who think that by pointing to the misbehavior of certain Demcrats, they have some kind of moral equivalency. I beg to differ. Democrats rarely pretend to be principled and have no duty therefore to apologize for William "cold cash" Jefferson or Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Jack Murtha.

So it is time for Mike Duncan to step down. He's the leader of losers and we need a different kind of leader and maybe an enforcement wing of the the party to weed out and punish the emerging left-wing of the Republican Party. If Michael Steele wants to chair the RNC, let's give him the chance. There doesn't seem to be anybody else out there that offers "hope and change" for Conservatives. Get behind Steele and maybe there will be a slight chance for redemption.

My Community Organizer Days

Captain Push was a Community Organizer. Now before you start snickering about my penchant for gathering Organs in the Community, let me explain that I am serious and have the resume to prove it.

Some years ago, while living in a small town (My Sarah Palin Creds on display) I recognized the need for certain community services, among them a Fire Department to complement our Volunteer Ambulance Service. A small group of like-minded individuals gathered and formulated a plan. First, we would take over the existing joke of a Fire Service and then we'd form a Community Service District to operate and fund it.

Plan A was initially, a huge success. We joined and raided the volunteer fire service and installed the Chief of our choosing. Afterward, we began a petition drive to form a service district with taxing authority. We were in for a battle against entrenched politicians like we never imagined. Despite our efforts and a pro-bono attorney of some reknown, we were defeated because the County registrar-recorder refused to remove DEAD people from the voter rolls. (No we did not file a writ of mandamus but considered it. The deck was stacked against us.)

So here's what we did. Plan B. We re-worked our petition and re-walked every inch of our proposed district choosing to form a Fire District without taxing authority which requires far fewer signatures to establish. The County, relieved that we couldn't self-govern, was happy to validate our petition without holding an election. (We would have won anyway.)

As a community organizer, I walked and talked and begged, cajoled and seduced (just kidding) every resident of our proposed district TWICE. I made countless trips to the county seat to battle the board of supervisors and their paid attorneys. I worked for the people. My associates worked as hard if not harder. And none of us ever asked for anything in return. Our efforts were self-rewarding. The silence from the people who gave so much is deafening. I am proud to have been a part of something that manifests itself today in a very well managed organization providing needed services for so many often-neglected people.

This is but a small part of my personal resume but one that I'm rightly proud of. I imagine it stacks up well with Barry Obama's but I'm not running for public office. He is. He's running for President and he's in your living room every day. He might be in your life every day for the next eight years. By the way, I'm NOT qualified to be President despite my "community organizer" credentials.

Domino Economics

A few days ago, I told a group of friends that the passage of the "Bailout Bill" would have a domino effect. My prediction was that the State of California would come crawling to the Fed for relief from its huge, roughly 7 billion dollar cash deficit. Well call me psychic because the Governator is going hat in hand to the Federal Government for an immediate cash bailout which of course, Kalifornia will repay promptly as its economy tanks and its deficit becomes larger. Sound familiar? Others had already predicted the "Big Three" automakers would get in line for bailouts and with the "Domino Economic Effect" it will undoubtedly trickle down to your local Dunkin Donuts. This is clearly unsustainable and the fight will be on. Maybe we'll have to bail out Starbucks who have a store on every street corner.

Let's do a little grade school economic exercise here using history which apparently, we are doomed to repeat. After WWI, Germany was hit with such huge reparations they didn't have a prayer of repaying them. The solution was to print Deutsche markS.

That didn't work very well as the money was worth exactly what Monopoly money is worth. People were literally pushing wheelbarrows full of Deutsche Marks down the street to buy a loaf of bread. In the electronic age, money isn't so much printed as it is electronically invented through clever accounting techniques like pushing a button on a computer. The end result will be the same. When you have borrowed against your tangible and intangible assets to the maximum and (in the case of housing) beyond, you don't own ANYTHING and hence, you have no value. Your dollar isn't worth anything. For example, if money to the tune of 750 billion is so readily available for bailouts, why do we pay taxes?

I bring up history because we're repeating it in many ways. Here's another example: If you print phoney Phd's in economics, they're worth nothing and we have a lot of nothings with Phd's in economics running our economy. What kind of genius came up with "mark to market" accounting which was an invitation to fraud? Well, it practically takes a genius to figure out what that little stunt is all about but something did jump out at me. It seems to have had its roots in margin accounts which allow people/corporations to leverage far more money than they actually have. It's a fool's game and guess what? We've seen it before. Can you say Great Depression?

My final comment is about "getting the government we deserve." This may or may not be true but I'm becoming somewhat of a believer of that theory. If we continue to elect people (I use the term people loosely) like Barney Franks and Chris Dodd, then we're getting what we deserve. Bush and Paulson with the help of Congress have taken the extraordinary position that we need to socialize our formerly capitalist economy. I've got news for them. It's been tried before. Remember the vanished Soviet Union?

You Did That?

As much as I hate pop culture, I'm still not 100% immune to it. Nor should I be as it drives much of American culture. Witness the rapper Barack Obama running for President, a man who was "selected" rather than "elected" by popular vote. Note to Bush Haters: Your words are coming back to haunt you. Hillary got more popular votes than Nicotine/Cocaine Man.

Ok. That was a fun little rant but I'm here to talk about Sarah Palin and Barack Obama. Fanny reminded me of a rather obscure comment made by Simon Cowell on Britain's Got Talent. He looked at Paul Potts, a budding opera singer and said: "So you work at CarPhone Warehouse and you did that!" (This is going somewhere so please stay with me.)

I've watched Sarah Palin in action for a few days and the reaction is just like Cowell's. Quoting Fanny here: "So you were Mayor of a small Alaska town and you did that!" Yes she did on Wednesday but we continued to watch her and she did it again and again. Sarah's no rapper but she's definitely a rock star. I'd venture to say that she could fill a mall in Europe with adoring fans ala the Messiah. And she's got something else going for her other than a crisp, eloquent speaking style. She's HOT and lacks the jug-ears of the former "community organizer" who uh...helped people who were displaced when they lost their jobs at a steel mill.

Because Captain Push always looks for the "angle" everyone else has missed, I'll ask the question that hasn't been asked and probably never will be of B.O. What exactly did he do that "helped" the poor, laid-off workers? BO can't produce a single recipient of his largess or time because, simply put, he didn't do a damn thing. That's what community organizers do. They do nothing unless they stop a Hazardous Waste incinerator or a Prison from being built in their "hoods."

Barack Obama spent years kissing the collective asses of the Chicago Machine. That's all.

And as an observer of American culture I'll also ask him this: "So you went to Chicago and you did that?"

Can't Teach an Old Demo New Dirty Tricks

Captain Push likes to save face whenever possible. That's why your not-so-humble blogger refrains from making public predictions which could come back to haunt him. I keep my gut instincts to myself for the most part, except when I share them with a few other hard-line Conservatives.

Last night I made a prediction: This morning I shared that prediction with my friends which doesn't include most of you by the way. (I'm no John McCain) Here's what I said in a moment of epiphany:

When Sarah Palin hits the talk-show circuit/campaign trail, she will be blind-sided by "gotcha" punk wannabe interviewers with the following type of question: "Who is the Prime Minister of Tonga?" I know that sounds far-fetched but it's an old Dirty Trick from the old bag of Dirty Tricks leftist "reporters" reach into when trying to smear a Conservative candidate.

Within a couple of hours after emailing my thoughts, Howard Wolfson, Hillary sycophant extroadinaire made the following (paraphrased) comment. "When she gets out on the campaign trail and someone asks her who the President of Azerbaijan is and she doesn't know...etc." It's an old trick from an old Demo dog. Thanks for sharing that Howard but we already know that it's politics/dirty tricks as usual from the left. So much for Hope and Change.

The left has already tried the "DUI" dirty trick on Palin's husband. So this guy Todd Palin picked up a ticket around the same time Obama was stuffing his very large nostrils with cocaine. The last time anybody checked, Todd Palin wasn't running for public office. So how about some fairness here? How much cocaine did you stuff your brain with Obama?

Don Imus has it right for once and I'm sure this will come out in some interview with Sarah Palin.
"Is it true you shot Bullwinkle?" Palin should answer: "No, actually it was Bambi." She should be ready for any dirty trick the flesh-eating, left-wing reporters try to pull on her.

Stuck on Stupid

One of my favorite quotes is this gem from Lt. General Russell L. Honore during the aftermath of Hurricana Katrina. "Don't get stuck on stupid," He admonished reporters while Hurricane Rita bore down on the Gulf coast. Sadly, the reporters validated themselves as stupid in spite of his pithy admonition.

And reporters and pundits continue to amaze us with their vacuous, insipid comments. Setting aside the toilet bowl of MSNBC which is the main recepticle for television filth, there's no shortage of bizarre pronunciations emanating from CNN and FoxNews. Give CNN a pass because they have the resident idiot Larry King and we expect crummy interviews from Turner's bunch but what about Fox? Do we really need to extend the stench of Alan Colmes to the weekend Beltway Boys?

Yes, I'm talking about Mort Kondracke. Fox routinely puts on DemoCranks like Bob Beckel but at least Beckel is an HONEST Kool-Aide drinker. Mort wants to be taken as a serious pundit but his poisonous agenda is finally clear. His recent proclamation that Senator Jesus Obama is "experienced" because he has "run a campaign" and that makes him qualified to be President is silly and over the top for a seasoned commentator. In fact, according to Kondracke, running a campaign is all the resume one needs to assume the highest office in the land. Running a state with a multi-billion dollar budget is just wallpaper for Sarah Palin. Note to Mort: Obama runs nothing. David Axelrod runs the Obama campaign.

Mort Kondracke has gotten stuck on stupid. The last time this happened on Fox, somebody fired Neal Gabler. Good riddance and kudos to Roger Ailes for good housekeeping. Kondracke's slobbering allegiance to the Messiah needs to be dealt with similarly. Need further proof? Mort blamed Sarah Palin for her daughter's pregnancy because she "approves of abstinence." Fox can't keep its standing if it continues to provide a platform for nutcases. Mort Kondracke's personal resume doesn't absolve him from his descent into DailyKos ruminations. He has to go.

And if you think "running a campaign" is all the experience you need to be President, you need to go too because you're stuck on stupid.

Ya Still Tingly All Over Chris?

Sarah Palin visiting wounded warrior at Landstuhl in Germany

Some skinny guy with big ears and a bagful of platitudes gets Chrissy Matthews all "tingly." (Is that a word?)

tin~gle (tingly)
v. tin~gled, tin~gling, tin~gles
v. intr.
To have a prickling, stinging sensation, as from cold, a sharp slap, or excitement: tingled all over with joy

In fairness to Chris, this all needs an explanation. Matthews found inspiration in Eugene McCarthy before working for Ed Muskie and eventually becoming a speech-writer for arguably, the worst President in modern history, Jimmy 'the peanut" Carter. His narrative makes it easy to understand how yet another empty, bloviating windbag would stimulate Chris to an on-camera, pre-orgasmic adrenaline rush. Matthews makes it clear that he is full of love for the Messiah Man. His Homie.

I give the misguided Matthews a pass because God protects idiots and truck drivers. (I was once a truck driver so I speak from experience) But how do you explain his partner, Keith "Bathtub Boy" Olbermann? If this guy didn't invent misogyny, he certainly complicated the meaning.

misogyny
1656, from Gk, misogynia, from misogynes "woman hater."

This guy punished poor Hillary with far more malice than I've seen from the Republicans. In fact, I think the Right laid off of her knowing full well that the left wing media was in the tank for Obama and would do the dirty work, essentially burying her alive while the Daily Kooks and Huffpo loons applauded.

Which begs the question: Why do these "men" hate women? What underlying psychological deviance do these guys possess? If you thought they hated the PIAPS, wait until they get their "journalistic" hands on the skirt-wearing Palin.

Over the next few days, we'll get to see a command performance from this team of girl-haters starting this evening. I'm simply speculating based on past history and since I don't own an I.Q. anywhere near Joe Biden's, I'm at a loss to describe what the bilious Olbermann and his lil' ho Chrissy will spew on Sarah Palin. I'm sure a beautiful woman with plenty of brains and a surfeit of brawn will push their hate-amplifiers to the max. If they thought Hillary made them look (ahem) inadequate, wait until they see the picture of Palin firing a semi-automatic "assault rife."

(Check out Olbermannwatch.com for the complete listing of Bathtub Boy's malevolence since 2004)

For my part, I'll let Sarah Palin's personal history speak for itself. And just for Chrissy's information, a lot of Republicans are feeling a tingle today. What you felt running down your leg this morning was something else.

Four More Years and Obama's Ears

(Special thanks to Darryl C for his help with this article)

It looks like Jesus has hired Moses to be his personal trainer. Moses Biden, in his first appearance as VP choice looked positively "Cheneyesque" on the podium. If nothing else, Obiden can spend his time between attending funerals explaining to Obama what not to say. Biden, is certainly a scholar. He can quote without attribution many famous and obscure intellectuals which he has often done starting in his college years.

Slow Joe can also educate our Messiah on how to spin a "yes" vote on the war in Iraq into a solid anti-war position. In other words, Biden can help Obama polish his flip-flopping by messaging and softening past statements. Biden's supporters always say that he was "taken out of context." Here's a more distant quote from Biden and an example of how to flip that negative.

In 1987, Biden told New Hampshire voters that he graduated in the "top half" of his class in law school. The fact is that Biden graduated 76 out of 85. How would Biden elegantly explain his way out of that particular gaffe? How about, "I was standing on my head when I said that." It's not so far-fetched when you see that Joe is going to have to explain his solidarity with Hillary on Obama's lack of experience. Hillary you recall, called Obama "naive" and Biden has repeatedly referenced the young savior's lack of experience however obliquely.

Biden can simply say that he was taken out of context. He meant to say that Obama's lack of experience could be tempered by the appropriate guidance counselor occupying the office of Vice President, the office that he said he'd never occupy. Huh?

Today, Joe Biden began work on re-educating Jesus Jr. whose former mentor was the most Christian Jeremiah Wright. With great passion, Joe invoked God's Blessing on America. "God Bless America," Joe said in sharp contrast to Wright's "God***n America."

One thing that can't be taken out of context is Biden's age. After months of Holy O'lers snickering about McCain's advanced age, how do they reconcile the fact that Joe is getting up there in years and will be nearly the ripe old age of 70 toward the end of Barry's first term? Perhaps this can be a positive as Joe's gaffes can be attributed to his advancing senility which ought to really boost the campaign.

This ticket suddenly seems to have morphed from Hope and Change into Hope and Cheney. Will Mr. "higher IQ" actually be running the White House ala Dick? That's the hope and change the starry-eyed disciples must be pining for.

We're Not Chinese If You Please

The Messiah has found the promised land! I won't keep you in suspense waiting for my text message, I'll give it to you right now. It's China! I may be wrong about this but Jesus H. Obama is now extolling the virtues of the modern, soon-to-be superpower. Here's a quote from the Savior:

"Think about the amount of money that China has spent on infrastructure. Their ports, their train systems, their airports are vastly the superior to us now, which means if you are a corporation deciding where to do business, you're starting to think, 'Beijing looks like a pretty good option.'"

I won't go into the serious infrastructure deficits and failures listed by National Review Online's Jim Geraghty. Suffice it to say that their grid is a disaster. I'll cover what he left out.

Pollution:
The World Bank estimates that 16 of the world’s 20 most polluted cities are found in China’s industrial areas.

Desertification:
Few people think of China as a desert nation, yet it is among the world's largest. More than 27%, or 2.5 million square kilometers, of the country comprises useless sand (just 7% of Chinese land feeds about a quarter of the world's population). A Ministry of Science and Technology task force says desertification costs China about $2-3 billion annually, while 800 km of railway and thousands of kilometers of roads are blocked by sedimentation. An estimated 110 million people suffer firsthand from the impacts of desertification and, by official reports, another 2,500 sq km turns to desert each year.

This is nothing new, of course. In the 4th century B.C. Chinese philosopher Mencius (Mengzi) wrote about desertification and its human causes, including tree-cutting and overgrazing. Experts argue over the reasons and consequences, but all agree that Chinese deserts are on the move. Sand from the distant Gobi threatens even Beijing, which some scientists say could be silted over within a few years. Dunes forming just 70 km from the capital may be drifting south at 20-25 km a year. Conservative estimates say 3 km a year. And despite massive spending on land reclamation and replanting, China is falling behind.

Slave Labor:

But Harry Wu saw the Clinton/Beijing relationship from a deeply human perspective: the blue uniforms and shaved heads in Chinese prison camps.

For years, he had been one of the estimated 50 million blue uniformed “troublemakers” who had worked in the camps under totally inhumane conditions. Some of them literally worked themselves to death.

The forced labor had turned out for the American market such items as rubber-soled shoes, boots, kitchenware, toys, tools, men’s and women’s clothing, and sporting goods.

The list is actually endless so in the interest of brevity, I'll pause here and point out that the Chinese have much to hide but they don't hide much well except from The Moshiach. When a society opens up, like China has in the past decade, a lot of dirty laundry gets aired. Most recently, it has come to light that China cheats. Unlike the United States, which punishes its Olympic frauds, China engages in state-sanctioned subterfuge including and I'm sure not limited to, using under-aged athletes in age-limited sports.

But like the trains that run on time, the electricity that flows, the airports, and the abundant clean air available in China, nearly every aspect of post-Mao society is "vastly superior" according to Obama.

Brokeback Forum Part Deux

I promised to peruse the transcript of the Saddleback Civil Forum and report back with some criticism of Obama and Pastor Warren. Just when you think every word has been fully parsed, every opinion expressed, and every gaffe exposed, I think you can still find some interesting angles not previously noted. At least that's what Captain Push hopes for but I can't be sure that among the billions of written and spoken words, someone hasn't beaten me to the punch.

After reading and rereading and attempting to digest a not altogether unpalatable and wide-ranging discussion, I came to a couple of conclusions. First of all, this was not intended to be a contest. I think the participants understood this but maybe that was lost on the audience, and especially Obama's campaign team. His team consists of myriad advisers, supporters, and the sycophantic media outlets who are complaining that John McCain, by virtue of his stellar performance, must have somehow CHEATED. To suggest that McCain cheated is to imply that this was a contest, a debate or maybe a game like chess wherein John palmed a pawn and turned it into a queen. If McCain cheated, then Pastor Rick must have been in on it. No matter how deep liberals dive, they'll never hit bottom. They can always sink even lower than their previous depths. By impugning the character and integrity of both Pastor Warren and John McCain, is Obama's team making more enemies than new Obama supporters?

The second conclusion I came to after my marathon dissection of the forum was that endless blathering can only get a candidate in trouble. I wonder what kind of attorney Barack Obama must be if he never learned that the less said in crisis, the better. Trial lawyers are routinely horrified when their clients answer simple questions with epic-length explanations. Obama just couldn't shut himself up. This is probably due to his Messiah-like standing with his followers who hang on his every word, even the words that most of us mere mortals recognize as nothing more than gas. He really believes that every word he utters has earth-shattering implications and importance. Much of what the faux Jesus said was long-winded and nonsensical. OK. I mean he was BORING. Note to Obama: Get to the POINT if indeed you do have a point.

Now about Pastor Warren. Let's agree that there are no stupid questions. However, there are inappropriate questions or questions that shouldn't have been asked when there are much better ones waiting in the wings. Consider this question posed by Warren. "Would you be willing to consider and even commit to doing some kind of emergency plan for orphans like President Bush did with AIDS, almost a President's emergency plan for orphans to deal with this issue?" (Reference 148 million orphans world-wide)
There were several similar questions but this one seemed like the best example of an utter waste of air time. Why? Well someone needs to let Pastor Rick in on this little gem which I thought wasn't a big secret. The REAL Jesus said, "The poor will always be with you." (Yes, it has been translated in other ways)

Orphans will always be with us as will the poor, the sick, the weak, the hungry and in particular, in an election year, the unhinged. Presidents are not God-like but apparently people like Rick Warren expect them to wave their scepters and lead Americans across the land and sea to fix all that is wrong with the world. Give it a rest smilin' Rick! Even Obama believes some things are best left to the real God.

Brokeback Forum Part I

The word of the day in news commentary is nuance. Pundits in search of the truth, usually their own personal truth, study the shades, tones and context of every word uttered by the subjects they dissect daily, even hourly to enlighten their audience. Eventually, yes becomes no, right becomes left and inside is outside. That is, until someone leaves no doubt, no escape with a blindingly bright answer to a tough question. Last night, John McCain befuddled the talking heads, including Rick Warren, with concise answers to both difficult and stupid questions posed by the almost sainted head of Saddleback Church.

I'm not a big McCain fan. The guy absolutely infuriates me at times simply because his status as RINO-in-Chief of the Republican party has caused much division and little amalgamation of a fractured party, the party Conservatives, some reluctantly like yours truly, must vote for if we're to have even a small voice. To put it succinctly, like John McCain of last night, Mr. Maverick has been a pain in our right-wing asses for a long time.

That said, I have to give the old war-horse credit for his performance last night. He reminded me of Captain Kirk, (sans penis hanging out of his tunic), when he answered dangerous questions bluntly and forcefully, with little regard for the consequences because damnit, I'm right! Like it or not, we got the "Straight Talk Express" for one refreshing hour in this seemingly never-ending election cycle.

So without anything to parse other than McCain's silly assertion that five million dollars defines the rich, the focus shifts to Barry Obama's fabulously nuanced answers to the same questions old John buried. After watching analysts stick their fingers down their collective throats to retch out the same old "Obama seemed comfortable" comments, a couple of important points were made by the more worthy commentators.

Charles Krauthammer, reading between the lines of Obama's comments regarding Justice Clarence Thomas, pointed out that Obama seemed to suggest that Thomas didn't have the resume/experience or intellectual acumen to be a Supreme Court Justice. Here's the perfect example of a world-class cliche: The Jr. Senator POT calling the more senior Justice KETTLE black. (Save your "racist" comments for someone who cares. I didn't invent or conceive this line.)

Captain Push will study the transcripts later and further punish Obama and Warren but this initial review can't be published without asking the salient question: What other examples of issues "above the pay grade" can a man who has his finger on the nuclear button give us? Abortion may be a big deal but the annihilation of the human race altogether might be a tad bigger. Is Obama's answer when it comes to the really tough questions going to be, "That's not in my job description."

Advantage McCain.

Let Em Eat Gas!

If you can't afford, stomach, or find a Prius, perhaps you'll want to consider one of the hot new cars that run on gasohol or E85. What's so special about about E85? Well, it's considered environmentally friendly (by environmentalists) because it's made from corn. That's right, you can now run your automobile on government subsidized alcohol which allegedly pollutes less than regular gasoline and is cheaper because of those subsidies. It's a dream come true for vegetarians except for those who think plants are sentient but that's for another time.

So here's the idea in a nutshell. You take millions of acres of corn intended to produce food for people and animals and convert the whole operation into gasohol. It's a brilliant concept nearly everyone agrees until the simple folly of a an overly simple plan is elucidated by those like yours truly.

With your government's help, in the form of $1.4 billion in subsidies, you get the following:
Far less feed corn for animals resulting in higher prices for meat and poultry.
Far less corn for export for trade.
Far less corn for feeding the underprivileged in third world countries.
Far less efficiency in producing energy with a possible net loss of energy when the cost of irrigation, shipping, cracking (refining) and cultivation (tractors/combines) is factored in.

In other words, the farmers' boom is the consumers' bust. Like all environmentally whacky ideas, the rush to a fallacious judgment regarding the benefits of kooky non-science will eventually be exposed. One example is the Brazilian paradigm. The Brazilians have practically rendered gasoline obsolete by converting sugar beets to fuel. Sounds great doesn't it? Except it's not so great when you factor in the destruction of the rain forest by slash and burn techniques to clear land for the production of ethanol. I don't suppose the Environmental Lobby would promote the clear-cutting of our national forest lands to grow corn?

And that brings us to the notion of eco-freaks and their half-brained genetic obsession with saving their "personal" planet. Other than the few honest nihilists who lobby for the extinction of humankind, the great majority of supposedly planet-friendly Gorons (honest Al, the working girl's friend) don't give a damn about the environmental catastrophes occurring in third-world and emerging countries as long as their little patch of ANWR remains undisturbed.

Perhaps when tofu is taken off the dinner plate (soybeans for fuel), the Earth First! crowd will wake up to the simple fact that their simple plans fail to recognize the simple truth of physics. In other words, Isaac Newton's to be exact: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Put that in your corn-burning car and smoke it.

Sympathy for the Devil?

While millions of blogs parse every word ever uttered or written by, for or about John Edwards, the Captain Push blog looks for the one angle nobody talks about. For example, all the media and cable talking heads preface or conclude their remarks about John Edwards with a weepy mention of the poor, cuckolded Elizabeth Edwards who has a fatal form of cancer. This is indeed sad and needs to be mentioned I suppose.

But there's more to this part of the story. Poor Elizabeth had to have her say and she posted the following remarks:

Our family has been through a lot. Some caused by nature, some caused by human weakness, and some – most recently – caused by the desire for sensationalism and profit without any regard for the human consequences. None of these has been easy. But we have stood with one another through them all. Although John believes he should stand alone and take the consequences of his action now, when the door closes behind him, he has his family waiting for him.

Ah, the bitterness! Elizabeth Edwards has arguably more right than anyone to be bitter. She's definitely a victim in several ways although I'd hardly call her the victim of an overzealous and avaricious press. In fact, the major media outlets suppressed this story for a long time much to their collective embarrassment. It took the intrepid reporters from the National Enquirer to strip the cover off of this story.

So Mrs.Edwards makes her statement and where does she post it? The Daily Kos of course. Now exactly why would she choose an infamous, hate-filled website to post her thoughts? How completely ignorant is that? Let's see, she's probably not aware of how they treated another cancer victim, one Tony Snow of Foxnews and White House fame.

Here's just a taste:

THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS FROM DAILY KOS

HIs death sucks? (0+ / 0-)

If only his cancer was contagious and the thugs he worked for caught it, it would have saved the suffering of actual innocent people. He was part of the mafia that took over this country and frankly, I’m glad he’s dead.

…

It is indeed hard to lose a loved one. But I can’t even muster any good thoughts to send his family and friends.

Here is a man who could of used his power and talents to help people, to better the world. And he didn’t — in fact he did the complete opposite. He was a liar, we all know what the consequences of those lies have been and will continue to be until God knows when.

I am not sad he’s gone. Sorry if that’s offensive to anyone. I’ll save my sorrow for those who suffered because of the lies Mr. Snow pertetuated. (sic)

…

There is a certain irony in him being killed by his own rotten ass.

I haven't been treated to anything like this on Conservative websites. But imagine the outrage if we substituted Elizabeth Edwards for Tony Snow in the aforementioned clips. Elizabeth CHOSE to post on one of the most vile outlets imaginable while condemning others who merely reported the facts concerning her husband's tawdry affair, his lies, and his cover-up. And yes, Elizabeth also mentioned in another post that John was the first to pack his bags for the YearlyKos convention.

I suppose Elizabeth Edwards can claim ignorance. She can't be the brightest first lady wannabe on the planet if she couldn't see through John's smoke. Regardless, if you swim with the pigs at the Daily Kos, then you probably are one too. Sorry about that Elizabeth.

John Fraudwards and The Dead Zone

I met John Edwards in 1983. It was a virtual meeting to be sure and I didn’t know it was John Edwards at the time but I remember seeing him on the big screen in the form of Martin Sheen playing the role of politician Greg Stillson, a contender for the office of President. To briefly synopsize the story for those who aren’t familiar with the movie, it plays like this:

Johnny Smith, (Christopher Walken) wakes up from an accident with the unusual ability to foresee the future. It’s a gift and a curse because Smith is able to save lives as he can also change the future. It turns out that his larger mission is to save us all from a politician who will someday have his finger on the button…The nuclear button.

Smith decides he must kill Stillson and proceeds to some kind of event (a fundraiser?) and points a rifle at Stillson who shields himself with a baby ending his career forever and saving untold billions of lives.

I’ve always thought of John Edwards as the consummate charlatan. A masterful snake-oil salesman, he convinced jurors in a personal injury lawsuit that he had the mystical powers of a medium and channeled a dead girl in closing arguments. He happily pocketed millions from malpractice insurers and launched his career in politics hoping to use that wonderful gift of persuasion to convince us mere mortals that he’d indeed, be a fine President should John Kerry perish while in office. Or better still, just elect him President in ’08. Why not start at the top?

Well that’s all behind Edwards now. And Edwards wants it all behind just like we want him behind us like a noxious, almost poisonous memory. Like Stillson in the aforementioned movie, it only took a baby to get rid Edwards. Sometimes, it’s the little things, the details that prove important points. In this case, Edwards managed to snow millions of gullible people for years. Millions of others felt our flesh crawl at the mere thought of this hair-primping fraud attaining high office.

By the way, I’ve suddenly become somewhat clairvoyant myself. I just had a vision of John Edwards throwing his Gucci shoe at the television while he watches Bill Clinton give a speech at the Democratic Convention.

Tire Gauge NUMB3RS

No, I won't bore you with the numbers. Tire gauge statistics are flying all over the internet, dropping like pigeon poop on the heads of both the reasoned and mindless masses who care to debate the inflate. I guess we can all agree that a good man is hard to find and a hard tire is good to find. But how good is it?

Republicans naturally seized on Obama's seemingly off-hand remark that simply inflating tires to the manufacturer's recommended psi would save as much oil as drilling on the outer continental shelf would provide. This preposterous notion caused great glee among McCain supporters who have gone so far as to sell, for the munificent sum of $25.oo (US), an Obama Energy Policy tire gauge. Dems are now crying "FOUL!" at the top of their enviro-wimpy lungs and digging up all kinds of data to support tire inflation as a excellent alternative to drilling for oil.

Liberals with veins bulging in their necks ala Nancy Pelosi, are finding all kinds of "empirical evidence" that suggests tire inflation can produce fuel savings of 1 to 5% when combined with "tune-ups" and other "maintenance" of motor vehicles. Since hard facts are hard to come by, Democrats have taken to making up NUMB3RS in order to prove their hypotheses.

One has to imagine that every tire in the United States is underinflated in order to prove the "fat tire theory." Additionally, all vehicles must be in need of a "tune-up" and "other maintenance."
I'm not sure what a "tune-up" is exactly. With electronic ignitions and computers delivering optimum performance, the classic tune-up is virtually a thing of the past. Sure, we still change our filters as needed but those points and the strobe light are anachronisms rarely seen anymore. End of tune-ups as we know them.

What is "other maintenance?" I guess if we wash our cars, they'll perform better with less wind resistance? Well, failing that, the goofy leftists suggested we turn our air conditioners off since those nasty compressors use additional horsepower. A clean, albeit hot car is good for the environment even if it causes the driver and passengers a bit of distress on a hot summer day.

I decided to end the argument about tires and fuel economy once and for all. My theory is that under-inflated tires would save more fuel than we presently import from all sources. How is that possible? Simply work the NUMB3RS like a liberal.

If all tires are FLAT, then vehicles won't move at all, thus saving all the fuel in rubber-tired conveyances. This simple program would involve a bit of self-sacrifice to be sure but the benefits are endless including falling fuel prices and the elimination of all tire gauges.

I know what you are thinking: Finally! A plan worthy of the Messiah, our eco-warrior and Savior-in-Chief!

Intrigue at Amazon.com

A funny thing happened on the way to a famous online bookseller. The uber-site for all of those hot bestsellers seems to have been caught fudging its online reviews of a certain newly released book. The pitiful tome in question is House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's narcissistic "Know Your Power: A Message to America's Daughters" released a few days ago to the sound of one hand clapping.

In the interest of full disclosure I'll admit that I have no interest in this book other than to track its sales. I wanted to know if the history-making first female Speaker of the House would capitalize on her position and fame by tearing up the bestseller lists. Would the dominant liberal capture the imagination of scores of left-wingers?

Apparently not, according to Amazon rankings. After languishing somewhere around the 1,200 position, it briefly rose to 725 before plummeting again to 1,260 this evening. That's lower than whale crap and I wanted to know the reason for this literary implosion. I began to read the customer reviews beginning with the negatives since there were an overwhelming number of those and only a meager 10 positive comments. As I plowed through the poisonous postings of dissatisfied bookworms I noticed a pattern emerging and it wasn't at all what I had expected.

The usual complaints about tedium, poor writing, the failure to engage the reader were all there but there were also myriad complaints about Amazon deleting reviewers' previous postings. According to some, negative reviews had at one time reached a total of over 240. At the time I decided to read the reviews, that number had been reduced to around 50. The frustration and suspicion exhibited by those who volunteered their opinions was palpable. Some admitted to having posted their reviews a third time after having two previous ones deleted. Something was definitely rotten in the state of Amazon.

In the interest of fairness, I moved to the 5-star reviews and found something even more interesting. In order to keep their reviews online, some readers had given Pelosi's book a 5-star rating and then proceeded to write highly negative reviews dripping with biting sarcasm. Maybe Amazon wouldn't notice?

Where's the beef behind all of this? It's obvious that Amazon has a singular motivation and that is to sell books. It doesn't help the business if a new book with a huge push from its publisher has a disastrous ranking combined with hundreds of pajama-clad eggheads excoriating both the content and the author. Ergo, Amazon probably feels that a little artificial "propping up" can't hurt and in fact can help its bottom line. Never mind that the customers might feel cheated.

Did I say singular motivation earlier? As a great anonymous author once said, "I may not always be right but I'm never wrong." Or maybe it was "I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken." I have to suggest, in the interest of conspiracy theorists, that maybe Amazon is populated by left-wing lunatics who want to elevate Nancy (9% approval rating) Pelosi into double digit perfection. I'll leave that little morsel out there without further comment.

Regardless, Amazon has an honesty and therefore a decency problem. The honest approach would be to let the sales and reviews speak for themselves. In fact, maybe Amazon should make sure all remaining copies of Pelosi's book are recycled into something useful like toilet paper.

A friend of mine went into a bookstore and couldn't find Pelosi's book. When she asked a clerk where it was, the response was that due to dismal sales, the book had been removed from the front of the store and placed in its appropriate category in the stacks. (Probably pending the imminent return to the publisher of all remaining copies.)

Caveat Emptor